DROUGHT

I’ve gone through a lot of changes over the last year. Unbelievable highs and desperate lows. I have my moments where I truly believe that I can make change. I then find myself not strong enough in that moment to do so. I thought moving back home would fill whatever this void is that I have inside of me. Yet I feel more disconnected from what I used to consider normal now more than I ever did before. I need to take myself back. Back to a time of innocence and naivety. I need to isolate and shelter myself from all things that deprive me of inspiration, warmth and passion. In doing so, I know that I have and will lose friends and make enemies due to their lack of understanding or willingness to understand. But I’m okay with less quantity and more quality in my life.

If I write it all down, If I get it all out of me. Maybe I can start anew. If not new, maybe I can start again.

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I used to tell myself that I would be strong. That no matter what at the end of the day I only had myself. The one person on this earth that I shouldn’t betray but in the way that only I can do I did. Talk about honesty talk about love. If you really know me you know how minimal I make those characteristics and words seem. I act like I can’t be touched. Like I can’t be hurt. Like I’m made of steel.  All I’m made of is insecurity and doubt. Took a while for me to admit that.  Cause no one knew.  Even if they knew now they may not believe it. Tired of pretending I guess. When I make my move. My next move. There’s no going back. And ill still be steel…at least to the naked eye.

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